Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
