Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
