good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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