And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
