How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
