OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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