How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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