Got a toothbrush?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
