We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There r osticjed everywhere
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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