I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize