I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
