U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
