Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
