I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
