He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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