you mean i was at the winter classic?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize