I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
