dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize