have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
