just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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