So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
