hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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