I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They have beer where we have blood.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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