we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
