No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
