WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
