how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize