a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
