I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
