hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
