so explain again why im purple
no
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize