Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
pray to the hookup gods
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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