even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
