With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
