I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
