I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
