i used baking grease as lip gloss
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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