Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
