I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
