Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
