i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This house was built for laser tag.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
