I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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