Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize