I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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