I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
