I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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