my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
