Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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