I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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