Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
