is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
