I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
