A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
