Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
