I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
