I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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