We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
