dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize