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can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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