Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
