I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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