this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
