if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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