i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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