halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
