But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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