I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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