the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
