At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize