just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
try to milk me bitch
Randomize