I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
