Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
