i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize