i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
