I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
