All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
