that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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