you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
