We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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