My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
