Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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