I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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