before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
