You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
