drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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